Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Is He Coming or Is He Not?

style="display:inline-block;width:728px;height:90px" data-ad-client="ca-pub-9662862379877224" data-ad-slot="9481797196">
This is what I've been asking myself a lot lately.

We're waiting to hear news about a little boy that we might possibly (probably?) will adopt. Updates come in a "one step forward, two steps back" type of way.

I've started wondering, "Well... Is he coming or is he not?"

We feel excited, nervous, we have anticipation. But then we feel tired and unsure. We're anxious. We feel like it could be anytime but then again, maybe it could be a long time from now.

This roller coaster along with a few other high stressors are making me feel a little bit like BLAHHHHH. MERRY FREAKING CHRISTMAS OKAY?!?!

We found out last week that the house we were set to close on in mid-January had pretty much every problem a house can have so we've terminated that contract. (Oh really? You didn't know that your oven burners, outlets, and air conditioner didn't work? So weird!)

Also, my baby is getting like 100 new teeth which means you know, that he doesn't ever ever sleep.

We feel weary and tired, yet by His provision; hopeful

I always feel some hyper-spiritualized pressure to FEEL something at Christmas. Like I should be skipping around in elf shoes singing carols. Instead I'm using my Christian-ese to (nicely) curse the winter for dry crackled skin. I don't feel jolly. I feel cold.  Mostly I'm just sitting around wondering...

Well. Is he coming or is he not? 

I've been praying a lot for peace in this season and that my faith in the sovereign God that sees would keep growing. This is starting to happen and with every passing day I'm feeling a little more hopeful and a little less like the grinch. I've tried to "zoom out" and see our situation as a part in God's larger plan that we can't see the details of. Then it struck me, ironically the question that I've been asking IS Christmas.

Hundreds of thousands of other people were asking that same question way before the baby was wrapped in swaddling clothes and put into a feeding trough. I think about Elizabeth and Zechariah a lot. Faithfully living their lives even when those around them seemed to be choosing other things over the God of their forefathers. To top it off, Elizabeth was childless and I just know she wondered...

Is he coming or is he not? 

We've been promised a redeemer but there's no sign of him. We're being faithful but we're not seeing fruit. God, what are you doing? 

There were probably the same emotions that I listed- anxiety, anticipation, wondering if this thing was really going to happen or not...

Today, as Christians living more than 2000 years after the physical, bodily life of Christ, we don't wonder if he will come.

He already came.  And we KNOW that he will come again. 

This is the hope that we HAVE to cling to. If we don't we will give in to feeling helpless and whiny. We aren't helpless and we aren't like those who don't have hope. We don't WONDER. We KNOW.

HE ALREADY CAME. This is Christmas.

Our feelings of anticipation and anxiety and being a little bit nervous are RIGHT ON. We don't have to be sugar plum fairies. We can let ourselves feel the weight of wondering. Then, we can ease into the thrill of the fact that HE DID COME.

Our worry is now our assurance. Our fatigue is now our joy. Our burden has been lifted, we don't carry it anymore. We sing songs of joy wholeheartedly and smile in relief at candlelight services as we watch one small light fill up an entire room of faces that have placed their hope in his earthly arrival, death, resurrection and promise to come again one day.

He was and is faithful.

He is the rock that we stand on. He will keep his word. He will come again. We know this. We KNOW. We don't wonder. I need this to be tattooed on my forehead.

Ultimately, our adoption story is in the Lord's hands. We definitely are still having moments of "what is even happening right now??" but we are choosing to REST and we KNOW that HE IS FAITHFUL no matter the outcome.

This is Christmas. That God kept his word and came to comfort, reassure, love, and challenge his people. He showed us firmly and finally that he does see and know us. He isn't surprised by our struggle, he came to join us in it.

Merry [freaking] Christmas, yall. 🎁😘